I find beauty in films usually the second or third time I see one. It takes me a while to get past all the cinematographic tricks, the special effects and the pure interest in order for me to properly dissect a film. While I was attempting to study for my Quantitive Literacy exam this afternoon, I decided that watching a film was a better option for my time and brain space. ( silly when I'm shelling out the money I am for my education) Never the less, I'd like to dedicate this post to people who use orgasmically-large words, and write like Tolstoi. People who have no qualms when it comes to using literacy to the point where my eyes want to bleed. People who talk about dead writers as if they were roommates and shrinks to one another. I've never had a skill for writing, no matter how much I've tried to learn, I'm terrible at it. Sadly for all who read the shit i write, I never stop trying.

I watched Wonder Boys all over again today, and I realized that I love complication in life, I love making choices, good or bad it makes me all fuzzy inside knowing that I made them, and have fit another pice in to the never-ending puzzle. Realizing the things I love about films as such always makes me feel "special" not in the drooling-chromosome missing sense, but in the sense that I have just seen a different reflection of something that someone else has come up with. Something that I pulled out of it. All on my own. I feel like a little kid that has figured out that if you shine a flashlight in to a mirror, it will shine back on a wall.

When a person can articulate their thoughts in a way that others are dire to read them really fascinates me, but what fascinates me even more is the fact that there are some of us that write and write and write yet never say anything. ( I often feel this way) Yet more times than not its the really fucked up ones, the ones who sit in the back of the class observing the swarm of bees outside a window and understanding their flight and behavior and detaining a beauty within are the ones that really make great writers. They make themselves virtually invisible within and idea or a subject that makes them so much more acute to their surrounding that it fascinates the masses. I'm thinking that today, is the day I write my first short story.